Weeping? Life's too short (Part 2)

Gosh, after an entire week of searching, I couldn't find any good pictures of my grandmother. Most of it got blurred out badly due to time, and others lost when I moved out from Kampung Medan years back. <=(

So, I guess the best way is to describe her, is through my words and memories. She was a kind grandmother ever since as I could remmeber. When i was just a baby, she would take care of me everyday, made sure i slept well, and of course change my dirty diapers :P. I still remmeber the many pictures I saw in our family album of her taking me out for walks, craddling me while i sleep, cuddling me in her arms and all sorts of funny things =)

During my primary school days, I would occasionally go over to her house which is like a 5 min walk away. It was kinda normal for me as my parents would take like 45 mins or 1 hour to come and fetch me home. (Puchong was quite far back then without the LDP Toll!). Whenever she sees me visiting, she would light up with smiles and prepare an extra portion for lunch. I would still remember, her soup and braised chicken always tastes best! During Christmas Week, I would sometimes go back to Seremban and stayed with her for a bout a week, waiting for my parents to come on Boxing Day to pick me up back home. In the meantime, she and my cousing would be with me the whole time. Staying with her was the best. We chatted a lot on how things goes on in Seremban, on how naughty were my Unc and Auntswere , the silly things my maternal grandfather does at home, how to cook certain meals, and finally on how she occasionally scold or try to scold my cousin! Since it was always wintersolstice when i visit, we would be making Tong Yuen together too. Haha, those days with her were fun!

Back in early 2006, she had to move on.... Due to her age, disease was not far behind her. It was a tragic loss for the entire family and relatives. To make it unforgettable, she left this beloved world on Mother's Day, which made the meaning even more memorable. Unfortunately for me, I only got the chance to visit her for a few times before her tragic passing. Each time i visited, she was still in a coma like condition and I couldn't even talk to her. I kept wondering back then, would she be able to hear me? Will she wake up? Is she going to die? Maybe it was the pain of knowing that she might not be able to wake up at all or the shock of seeing my loving caring grandmother of mine is lying helplessly in bed that kept my mouth from whispering out any words...

Either way, she had a quite passing in the end. Putting aside the infribilator that kept her alive for a few weeks, she did not suffered much during her last moments. I just wished that I could have at least spoken with her just once more while she still lived cheerfully. So, naturally, it was time to bury her and pay our LAST respect. As much as I wanted it too happen, I couldn't attend my OWN grandmother's funeral!!! I had my semester exams on the funeral service and funeral day. So, skipping out was no option! This fact alone tore me, as I couldn't attend a cherished family member's ceremony due to the stupid college rules!! Hate it!!!!!! ='(

Having the first death of an immediate relative was quite shockening. Being young as I was, I just couldnt comprehend much. For a few days I didn't feel well, or even ate well. Even my room mate was getting worried. But it soon passed... From this tragic experience, there was one good thing though... her passing made me a stronger man. Whenever I think back of the memories I had with her tilll the day of her untimely death, I would remind myself to be strong and not cry anymore if anymore family members passes on to the alterlife. It is not a saddening event as while they were alive they created memories of cheerful and not so cheerful moments in our life. Their passing would only mark as the final memory in their life chapter. Looking at this chapter alone might be depressing, but the story and tales of the entire book is the one that matters. After all, it's the journey and not the destination that matters =)

It might not be a GREAT lesson learnt, as compare to the greatness she had in my heart, but to some extent on a personal scale, she trully meant a lot to me~

Weeping? Life's too short (Part 1)

Currently taking a break from life, as I only have 2 months left to settle all of my deligations here in Malaysia. So far, everything's going well, pending for Visa applications and leaving on Sept 30th, midnight. Anyways, putting that aside is something that peeked my curiosity while i was watching Tree Hills on TV.

It's always been my usual weekend routine, watching the 1 hour English Series, or 30 minutes Sitcoms. Usual weekend shows like Gray's Anatomy, The Mentalist, Smallville, CSI Miami, One Tree Hill, Two and A Half Men, and How I Met Your Mother has always accompanied me without failure. During this particullar episode on Tree Hill, they were using a phrase to portray the passing and remembrance of one of the main characters. This interesting phrase was "those who do not weep, do not see", quoted from Les Miserables (The Miserable Ones).

When searched online, only this turned up:

"Original version comes from Victor Hugo is : "Qui ne pleure pas ne voit pas". Just before he explains that some people can live without see all misery around them and he adds : "God eclipses their souls". So it means you can live happy but like an egoist avoiding to see your neighbor dying."

(answer courtesy to Yahoo Answers)

Well this got me thinking for a while. Lately it's been a habit of my frens to let their ego get the better of them, and it is starting to tear each and everyone of them apart. For those who don't quite get it, egoism is the behavioural pattern of trying to make oneself seem special to not only himself, but mainly towards others. This normally leads to self centereness, selfishness and hard headness to be sensitive towards other's opinions.

Still, the real thing that peeked through my mind when I heard that phrase was my late grandmother. For me, it didn't really hit me that down deep. Just the surface of the words, which literally translates to embracing emotions around you to actually understand what to feel reminded me of her passing. Because of my child-teenage life trauma (maybe that's too dramatic of a word!), I always kept all of my emotions, especially the sadness of it all bottled up.

My beloved grandmother was from my mother's side. To me, she was always nurturing and caring no matter what her children said or did around her =). Ever since I could remember, she has always been there. Well, this post is getting rather long. Will continue it on Part 2 next time...

To Be Continued